Christian families: "An Episode on Wife Battery."

‘Sometimes, you have to beat a wife to make her get some sense’?

ALERT: Long but interesting and inspiring real life account

One of the scenes that have constantly baffled me is when I meet people in this 21st century who still think like they are in the Stone Age. Being a man mindful of impacting people positively in the ways of God, I constantly have conversation with people just to find an opportunity of getting them to imbibe few of the good things God had thought me over the years.

While driving home from work yesterday, as is customary with me, I lifted four people – two ladies and two men, since they were going towards my direction. The men were much older than us while the two ladies were young folks like me.

I stirred up a conversation and one of the ladies joined and began to contribute actively while the others remained silent as they listened to us made some points about certain things concerning men and women, then I managed to navigate the discussion towards marriage and the lady followed suit.

Marriage talk seems to get the attention of ladies like petrol gets the attention of fire. Thank God the discussion is now in my domain; here I know I will teach someone one or two things about God’s mind concerning marriage.
The lady had talked of how some men maltreat their wives and how they even beat up such wives and at that point I cut in.

‘It is wrong in all sense for a man to beat his wife; in fact I am totally against anyone raising hands to hit another adult, be it male or female’

Like a sniper who had been waiting for a perfect angle to gun down his target, one of the men seemed to have suddenly gotten interest in the discussion. He asked to say something to me, I asked him to go ahead.

‘You see, there are times when a man needs to beat his wife so that she can get some sense’ He submitted.

I couldn’t believe my ears! Did I just hear a man publicly defending the act of beating his wife?

‘Sir, under no condition should a man beat his wife. Nothing can make it right for a husband to beat his wife’ I fired back, while keeping my eyes glued to the road. One can’t afford to be careless on the highway, at least not amidst these crazy Lagos drivers. Apart from the ‘Danfo’ buses which we have come to label as ‘yellow devils’, even the average Lagos driver is not too different from a thug on steering.

‘Did you say nothing should make a husband beat his wife?’ He queried to confirm what he heard. He seemed to be very surprised to see a man totally condemn the beating of a wife. He was shocked to hear that no condition is right for beating a wife just like I was shocked to hear that he believed in beating his wife to give her sense.

‘Your wife is not your daughter, she is not your servant, she is not your slave, she is not your maid, she is not your house girl and so you have no right under any circumstances to beat her’ I argued vehemently.

‘Your wife is your body, she is one with you and you can’t possibly think you want to beat her to correct her. She is not senseless; you can always discuss with her and sort things out. You can beat your daughter, not your wife.’ I continued.

‘What if she refused to listen to you and continue to do the same annoying things over and over again?’ She needs beating to reset her brain’ He furthered pressed in his crude mentality.

‘Whether she listens to you or repeat the same offence a million times, you can’t beat her. She is a human, a matured adult and so she can reason if you talk with her’

‘What if talking does not solve the problem?’

‘So the problem talking couldn’t solve, do you think it is beating that will solve it?

‘You see, you don’t understand these things yet, some women are very stubborn and if you don’t beat them, they won’t take correction’

‘Some women are stubborn but that is why you should look well from the beginning before choosing a wife. Once you have chosen her, you will have to bear the cross; it is your choice, she wasn’t forced on you.’

He went on to pull the same popular but senseless argument about singles not having experience to understand marriage and hence tried to stultify my effort to establish the truth on the matter. That old mantra of ‘You are not married and so you have no experience to talk on marriage matters’ has lost its power to work on me. I have seen too many married folks who have failed miserably in marriage despite their daily dose of experience. That you are married doesn’t mean you know more than a single. Marriage is not established on experience; it is established on knowledge and principles and whosoever open up himself to learn will be more grounded in the truth of marriage than those who don’t learn, irrespective of marital status.

By this time, the two men were pulling the same argument, they both believe in beating their wives. Even the lady couldn’t convince them otherwise. Then I switched and take the discussion to a higher plane.

‘Sir, do you believe in the Bible that it is the word of God’ I asked, praying and expecting a response that will set the stage for the word of God. People can argue with Sam but they will hardly argue with God.

‘Yes of course’ He retorted

‘Don’t you read that God commanded that the only thing you should do to your wife is to love her? And God didn’t say love her because she is good and submissive but he said love her simply because she is your wife. Even when she is repeating the offence a million times, God said just love her.’ I preached on.
Did you see anywhere in the word of God where He said a husband should beat his wife? Was beating listed as part of the solutions to marital problems?' I queried, anticipating an answer.

‘No’ He responded weakly like a defeated warrior.

So how come beating your wife has become the effective method to make her obey you.

Do you know that when you love your wife, you are obeying God’s instruction and God has a reward for you? Love her because God said so, not because she deserves it. When you lover her and she still misbehaves, keep on loving her because God has a judgement for her for her own failure to obey his commandment of being a respectful wife. Loving your wife irrespective of what she does is an honour to God and God honours those who honour Him.

Everyone was calm as they listened to my sermon; the lady was nodding in affirmation to everything I was saying. She probably kept quiet for a man to defend the women’s course; that seemed to work with those crude men. They weren’t going to listen to a woman tell them such.

The men had become sober as they savour what I had said in the word of the Lord. I was glad they are being touched already.

‘Before you drop off, I need to say one more thing’ I continued
‘God is the creator of the woman and He knows her inner make up than us. He knows what will make her melt in submission to you and He knows the solution that fixes the woman. In case you want to reset her, he has told us how to do that.'

'There is something God put in women that makes them respond to love from a man. No woman can resist a genuine love. Even the craziest of women melt in the hands of men that truly love them. God knows this secret about women and that is why He is telling the husbands to love their wives. That wife that is not obeying you will start feeling guilty when you keep on loving her unconditionally and she will be the one to run to apologise to you and worship the ground on which you walk on. Love is the weapon that conquers a woman, not beating or even money.’

‘If you beat your wife and she eventually obey you, she didn’t obey you because she respects you, she obeyed you because she is afraid of you. Being respectful and being afraid are two different things entirely. When the wife is afraid of you, you will never get the best from her because nobody gives his/her best in an atmosphere where there is fear. I don’t want a wife that is afraid of me, I don’t want a wife that fears me, I want a wife that respect me and you don’t get that respect by beating the wife, you get it by loving her.’

‘If she is not responding to your instruction, then you have not played your leadership role well enough. When there is failure in a system, the leader should be hold responsible first. Isn’t that how we are holding the president responsible for everything that is wrong in the country simply because he is the leader?

‘Yes o’ Everyone chorused in agreement

‘So if you play your roles well, she will respect and obey you. You are the leader so you should work more on yourself than trying to fix your wife. She is responding to who you are.’

I zoomed into the public car pack and they alighted.

‘Thank you very much’. They disappeared into their various directions and I zoomed off to my house.

I was glad my audience got the right message and I am sure their minds have been renewed.

Stark Reality
There are still educated men and some of them are even church goers who still believe in beating a wife. When you meet them, don’t get caught in the trap of developing hatred for them, that won’t change them and it won’t change anything for good. It won’t save the woman at the other end who receives the beating. Be calm with them, let them vomit their trash and then wisely use God’s word to show them the truth of the matter. When you meet a man who beats his wife, never leave him the same way you met him. Ensure you impact him positively before leaving. You never know, you might save the soul of one wife somewhere.

Thanks for reading and God bless you.

HisRoyalSon,
Sam Kori