Tuesday, 12 June 2018

SOLVING INCOMPATIBILITY ISSUES IN MARRIAGE.

How can we handle incompatibility issues without causing friction in marriage based on our individual differences? Note that you cannot change anyone except God, but with prayers and love, both of you can strike a balance to cope with one another so let's examine the Word of God to know what He said in Rom.15:7, "Therefore receive one another, just as Christ also received us, to the glory of God". 
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1. Accept your spouse the way he/she is just like Christ accepts you. In case you are reading this and you don’t know about it, let me tell you that Christ love you just the way you are, He is ready to accept you the way you are. Accept Him as your Lord and Saviour, He will make it easy. Accept your spouse and quit trying to change them forcefully. The best way to change a person is to LOVE him or her.
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2. Recall those things you fell in love with. Think about those positive things you loved and let it help you.
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3. Find similarities in your spouse; something you both love doing together and use it as aid to help close up the differences. 
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4. Develop common interest, when you first started, it is funny that the opposite attracts but along the line, the opposite now attacks, how can you reconcile this? Continue to work out all those things you love doing together, spend time doing it together, it will help a lot. Start by going to church together, pray and worship together, it will help the bond more. 
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And when you are on outing, determine not to focus on the weakness or differences but his/her strength and positive attitudes so that you can enjoy the bonding process. Try to find interest in what you do differently, it help you to have something to build on.
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5. Celebrate your differences 1 Cor.12:21. Marriage is something similar, it has different parts and they must work together. I do not like when someone presses toothpaste from the middle, I grew up pressing from below so that it will look neat but I married a man who do not see it that way and therefore enjoys pressing anywhere, middle especially. This caused a little issue and he concluded I get my own toothpaste and press the way I like but I wasn’t comfortable with that decision and so I started trying to look away and adjust the paste when I want to use it, gradually I blended, and today I also press form anywhere (laughs), I did not want the little foxes to spoil the vineyard.
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6. Stop acting like that bird called a wood pecker. It can peck a tree continuously till it falls. What I’m saying is that avoid nagging, complaining, angry, moody, irritated, depressed or frustrated and get your shoes on to make a difference in your home because all those things mentioned can ruin the home.
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Yes I know it can be frustrating when your spouse is not where you want them to be or wish them to be but if you want to really help, then you can do the God’s way as seen in 1Cor.13:4-8. 
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7. Do not compare your spouse with anyone but instead; like I’ve been saying accept your own and celebrate them. Focus on their strength and help them through with their weakness in patience and love especially with prayers. 
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Do not force your way, it should be done this way, I cannot stand the way you act and so on. It will only fuel the weakness and make them defensive but patience and love will do the magic, be accommodating so that you can do this well.
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It takes God and the help of the Holy Spirit to hold the union together. Let Christ be in your home, because without Him it will be impossible to manage your differences. Christ is the perfect bond that binds two imperfect person together. 
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By Oluwatoyin Aremu.

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