All through my undergraduate days, I stayed In the school's hostel. Men aren't permitted to enter the female hostels except for visiting hours (in the evening), and vice-versa. This way, it was easier for me to handle visitations from the opposite sex. I limited any unavoidable visit to the front of the hostel. There was actually no reason to stand for SO LONG in front of my hostel with the opposite sex discussing. Every important, lengthy discussions took place in the class rooms, fellowship centres....OPEN, 'NON-LONELY' SPACES!
I WAS REALLY CAREFUL OF PLACES AND PEOPLE I VISITED. This was one of the ways that really shielded me, by the grace of God, from all 'sorts'. My year one wasn't even funny, as I had so much PRESSURE, even from a cult member, to the extent that I couldn't walk in certain places on campus. (If God permits, I'll discuss more on this later). But thank God, for His constant MERCY AND GRACE!
Fast forward to my first postgraduate program! I had to get an accommodation outside school, where I STAYED ALONE! I told myself 'NO VISITS' from the opposite sex. This was a crucial time in my life, as I was not ready to 'throw caution into the air'!
I remember an incident that happened while returning from the morning service, one Sunday. On getting to the main junction leading to my house, I decided to stop by to purchase some soup ingredients, vegetables and fruits. After the purchase and was about to leave, I met one of our brothers who was also returning from service that day. After exchanging pleasantries, he requested to assist in carrying one of the things I purchased! At first, I refused, but he insisted; so I had to allow him, and thanked him in the process.
Since my house is quite a distance to the junction, and I have decided to trek as a form of exercise; he then decided to take the walk with me, since he was helping out. While walking down to my house, we kept talking about my chosen career. But sincerely, as we were getting closer to my house, I began to 'calculate in my head'. In my heart, I had questions popping up... "When will he turn back... Where is he actually going, is he going my direction or will now decide to go my direction because of the things he's assisted me in carrying...."?
When we got to the next junction, I was expecting him to probably announce his leave, but he did not. I turned to him and said: "Sir, don't let me take you too far, I appreciate". He replied: "Oh don't worry, I'm not complaining...". "Ah, okay", I replied with a heavy sigh. (I was particularly unstable with that brother, because prior to that time, he's been showing some questionable 'wanting to get- close' signs, and was always complaining of not seeing me around too). But we kept going!
As we approached the gate leading into the compound of the house where I stay, I became silent! All he was saying at this stage, 'wasn't entering my head' again. "How will I handle this...How do I make him understand that I don't want to entertain him in my house all alone?"; These were some of the thoughts that began to flood my heart...! The brother wasn't even bothered about my silence, he kept talking and laughing.
On getting to the front of the gate leading into the compound, I entered. Was expecting him to at least turn back with all the indirect signs have been giving him. But, Bro. also entered! At this stage, I had wild thoughts going through my heart: "Efo riro, Chilled water, Comfy bed, Take a rest....End of story.... GOD FORBID"! I then summoned courage, (I'd rather please God than men) after praying in my heart.
I stood at the gate, (as if my feet had been glued to the ground) and said with a fading smile: "Bro. A, I really appreciate you coming this far and helping out, I would not like to delay you any further". He replied, saying: "am not complaining", and took some steps forward. He was really 'bent' on coming in. But, I was not ready to permit any 'loophole' at all. So, I responded and said: "Yes, I know, but I have DECIDED TO RELEASE YOU HERE SIR".
Since I stood fixed and wasn't ready to move an inch further, he smiled and said: "Oh, you don't want me to come and taste out of your delicious soup...you this sister sha...Okay o....".
"IT IS WELL", I said; still standing there! He had no choice, as he got the 'message', and turned to take his leave. I gave him part of the fruits I got, and thanked him, as he left. I made sure he went a bit far from the gate before I turned to enter my apartment!
As I got in, I quickly locked the door behind. (Smiling)! "Ko ju ma ri bi, gbogbo ara lo gun e". (To my Non-Yoruba speaking friends, I'm sorry, I don't know how to interpret this). I immediately sat on the plastic chair in my room, sighing heavily, and prayed. I had to thank God for the 'VICTORY'! Even if, and only if nothing happens, how do I explain to those around, that NOTHING indeed happened...wont I give wrong impressions? If 'eating of meat' will cause my brother to fall, I'd rather do away with it.
Yes, visiting is not bad, but visiting alone can be very DANGEROUS! There are some TIPS I'll like to share from my experience:
1) As a single brother/sister, you should understand that YOU DON'T HAVE TO VISIT EVERYONE. GOLD ISN'T FOUND EVERYWHERE... STOP BEING 'NOISY AND CHEAP'!
As a sister, a new brother joins the fellowship, you want to go and visit him at home...why? Just to say 'Hello'. Can't it be said elsewhere, why in his house, alone?.
A beautiful sister joins your department, you want to go and visit her at home and 'enjoy her meals' and just have some time to do tutorials! Ah Bro, BEWARE!!!
2) Brother, If you MUST visit a sister, please take another brother, AND if possible, a sister along with you; and the same applies to sisters too. This way, you have 'cloud of witnesses' around you.
Even if the sister has an intention to seduce, with the other brother and sister around, she won't have the liberty to do so (Except they are both syndicates)!
CARELESS VISITATIONS have caused a permanent scar on many lives, especially sisters. My heart goes out to those particularly in the welfare/hospitality unit, I pray God grants you the wisdom needed in that 'office'! Painful stories have been told, and heard about those who fell victims....may you not be their next victim in Jesus name-Amen.
You shouldn't just be mindful of your VISIT TO THE OPPOSITE SEX ALONE...but also to those of the same sex with you. Some have gone on visitation and were literally initiated into different 'societies', some were entertained by an immoral movie and are now entangled in the web of pornography till date...Some got defiled in the process... Some have lost their glory on the laps of the 'wolves in sheep's clothing'....It all started with THAT VISIT!!!
Probably, if Dinah had stayed at home that day, and not gone to 'SEE' the daughters of the land, she might not be defiled.
What of Samson? He probably thought he had found a 'friend or confidant' in Delilah, unknown to him that she had a different intention. We all know where 'JUST A VISIT' landed him (because laying on Delilah's laps could only have been done in a relaxed mood/secluded atmosphere!)...I'm sure he never knew that visit would bring an END nor SAP his glory; but it did!
Beloved, during this period of being single, I need you to understand that the devil is not resting over your 'case', so you need not give him any 'opportunity' to operate. He sees 'WHAT' YOU CARRY and is bent on 'stealing, killing and destroying' it...his desire is to hinder you from ACCESSING THAT GREAT DESTINY God has prepared for you! BE VIGILANT.... NOT SUSPICIOUS, BUT LET THE HOLY SPIRIT ALWAYS LEAD YOU.
You may not have an ulterior motive for visiting, the brother/sister you intend to visit, may also not have any ulterior motive; but the ATMOSPHERE WHERE THE VISIT IS TO BE
CARRIED OUT, MAY BE TEMPTING! SO FLEE!!!
Like I said, visiting is not bad; but you can avoid getting your 'fingers burnt' by JUST A VISIT! You will be called 'names', be prepared; but BE FOCUSED AND UNMOVABLE!
1 Thessalonians 5: 21,22: "PROVE all things; hold fast that which is good. ABSTAIN FROM ALL APPEARANCE OF EVIL".
John: 10:10: "The thief cometh not, but for to STEAL, and to KILL, and to DESTROY....".
If you have been defiled or entangled by 'JUST A VISIT', God still loves you and can mend whatever is broken'! GO TO HIM NOW!
Perhaps, you are hurting, and need to confide in someone, please don't hesitate to do...You can also slide into my inbox! IT IS WELL WITH YOU!
BE WATCHFUL and prayerful...
Day 5 continues on Thursday...The 'RIDE' is getting 'more intense'; Tell a friend, to tell a brother, to tell a sister to join! Let no one be left out!
Funmibi Cares but GOD CARES MORE!
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